Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
