How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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