Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
