Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
