Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
