it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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