i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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