My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
