i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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