He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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