Your mouth is God's brothel.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
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