Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My hand turned me down
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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