Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.