Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me