so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.