my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on