I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?