I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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