based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
