I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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