Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize
