Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
