i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
