Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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