i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
