My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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