I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
