You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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