I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Terrible idea I love it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
