I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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