i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
