Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
