I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
