My underwear smells like fireworks.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
