Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
