i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
