You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
