toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
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No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
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I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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