Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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