So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Randomize
