Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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