So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
