I cannot find my penis.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
