My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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