This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
