turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she pinky promised me she was 18
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize