I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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