How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
