I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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