you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
