Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
