I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
