I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
