My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
