Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
