I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Your dad touched me again.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
