I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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