Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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