I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
