You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
