I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
