So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
