No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
